Humor

Canada Highlights, Part Two

After our trip to Quebec City, my wife and I headed to Montreal, which is not quite as quaint as Quebec, but just as fun to visit.

Originally designed for the 1967 World Fair Expo, the Montreal Biosphere is located on Île Sainte-Hélène, a quick subway ride from our hotel on Rue St. Denis. Curiously, two major events were taking place on the island on the same day: the Osheaga Independent Music Festival and a water sports competition. As a result, our first impression of the Biosphere was that it had to be the most popular attraction in all of Montreal. Fortunately for us, the place was mostly empty, so...

Originally designed for the 1967 World Fair Expo, the Montreal Biosphere is located on Île Sainte-Hélène, a quick subway ride from our hotel on Rue St. Denis. Curiously, two major events were taking place on the island on the same day: the Osheaga Independent Music Festival and a water sports competition. As a result, our first impression of the Biosphere was that it had to be the most popular attraction in all of Montreal. Fortunately for us, the place was mostly empty, so…

The kind folks at the Biosphere let me volunteer to put out a chemical fire. It did not go well.

The kind folks at the Biosphere let me volunteer to put out a chemical fire. It did not go well.

To get over my failure as a chemical firefighter, I unwound with some pinball. I played one game with a Canadian pinball wizard who knew all the ins and outs of the AC-DC pinball game, and who did his best to teach me everything he knew. As a result, I am now a junior-grade assistant pinball wizard.

To get over my failure as a chemical firefighter, I unwound with some pinball. I played one game with a Canadian pinball wizard who knew all the ins and outs of the AC-DC pinball game, and who did his best to teach me everything he knew. As a result, I am now a junior-grade assistant pinball wizard.

Art, it turns out, is everywhere in Montreal.

Art, it turns out, is everywhere in Montreal.

It's in museums.

It’s in museums.

And it's also out on the streets!

And it’s also out on the streets!

It also takes many forms, like this statue of a lion posted outside of a Chinese jazz and blues club.

It also takes many forms, like this statue of a lion posted outside of a Chinese jazz and blues club.

And this image of Tom Hanks that was plastered to a wall near my hotel. (I'm told that Tom Hanks is worshiped as a god in some corners of Montreal.)

And this image of Tom Hanks that was plastered to a wall near my hotel. (I’m told that Tom Hanks is worshiped as a god in some corners of Montreal.)

I was very excited to see this sign posted in front of the Musee D'Art Contemporain de Montreal (Montreal Museum of Contemporary Art) until my wife pointed out that there was no R between the A and the C.

I was very excited to see this sign posted in front of the Musee D’Art Contemporain de Montreal (Montreal Museum of Contemporary Art) until my wife pointed out that there was no R between the A and the C.

But this sign helped to soften the blow.

But this sign helped to soften the blow.

After climbing to the top of Mount Royal, I played for a while on the playground there.

After climbing to the top of Mount Royal, I played for a while on the playground there.

Until I got tangled in a web of steel.

Until I got tangled in a web of steel.

After that embarrassing debacle, I decided it was time to head home.

After that embarrassing debacle, I decided it was time to head home.

Gorshinmania!

On this, the 50th anniversary of the Beatles appearing on the Ed Sullivan show, I thought I’d share a comedy sketch that I wrote for The Madhouse Theater Company, and which they performed last month at Montgomery County Community College. (Frank Gorshin, in case you’re wondering, was an impressionist who appeared on the Ed Sullivan show ahead of the Beatles. He’s probably best known for playing the Riddler on Bat Man.)

Gorshinmania!

Sheila, Ellen, and Marcy are standing in line for the first appearance of the Beatles on The Ed Sullivan Show.

SHEILA: Can you believe it? The Beatles!

Sheila and Ellen scream. Marcy, is taken off guard and cringes.

ELLEN: I think Paul is darling!

Sheila and Ellen scream again. Marcy still cringes, but less dramatically.

SHEILA: I want to have John’s baby!

Sheila and Ellen scream a third time. This time, Marcy is expecting it. She just turns slightly away in anticipation of the blast.

Ellen turns to Marcy.

ELLEN: What about you? Who’s your favorite Beatle?

MARCY: I don’t know… Stan?

 Sheila and Ellen start to scream, then catch themselves.

SHEILA: Wait a second…

ELLEN: There’s no Beatle called Stan!

MARCY: Gary?

ELLEN: There’s no Gary, either.

SHEILA: It’s John, Paul, George, and Ringo.

ELLEN: And they’re playing tonight!

 Sheila and Ellen scream, but by now, Marcy is bored with the routine.

MARCY: To tell you the truth, I’m here to see Frank Gorshin.

ELLEN: Who?

MARCY: You know, the comedian. He’s on the show with some band tonight.

Sheila and Ellen look at each other quizzically as Marcy gets a dreamy look in her eyes.

MARCY: Frank Gorshin!

Enter Karen and Josie.

KAREN: Did you say Frank Gorshin?

Karen and Josie scream. Sheila and Ellen react with confusion. Marcy looks excited.

JOSIE: He’s the dreamiest!

KAREN: I want to have his baby!

MARCY: I DID have his baby!

Everyone looks at Marcy with horror. Marcy realizes she’s taken her enthusiasm a step too far.

MARCY: I mean… Wow, Frank Gorshin!

Lyle and Ted appear on the scene.

TED: Frank Gorshin? I love Frank Gorshin!

 LYLE: Hey! I think that’s him over there!

Lyle points to something in the distance.

TED: Hey, everybody! It’s Frank Gorshin!

A mob of teens pours onto the stage.

LYLE: Frank! Frank!

TED: We want to have your baby!

JOSIE: Oh my God!

MARCY: He’s waving at us!

KAREN: And he’s coming this way!

 Everyone screams. Even Sheila and Ellen are excited now. Mayhem ensues. Lyle faints. In a moment of quiet, Sheila turns to Ellen.

 SHEILA: Can you believe it?

SHEILA and ELLEN: Frank Gorshin!

Sheila and Ellen scream.

END