Track-by-Track: “Sweet Chocolate Jesus”

I was a little worried that some listeners might find this track offensive, much as fans found John Lennon’s “more popular than Jesus” comment offensive in 1966.

Fortunately for me, my fan base isn’t quite as large as that of the Beatles, so the backlash against this song, should there be any, won’t be that bad.

In truth, though, the song is more about the commodification of religion in general — and Christianity in particular — than anything else. Isn’t it odd that when it comes to Christmas and Easter, gifts and candy eclipse the more sacred aspects of those holidays? Hence the repeated “The more you spend, the more you’re saved!” line that repeats throughout the track.*

About that line: My sister-in-law sent the recording to me when someone at a local department store left the message on her phone. And since this is an album about machines and messages and miscommunication, how could I not include it?

The “Sweet Chocolate Jesus” lines are actually slowed-down samples of my own voice. I rigged up an electronic drum kit so that instead of the usual snare and tom sounds, striking the drum heads would produce the sound of my slowed-down voice shouting “Sweet,” “Chocolate,” and “Jesus” respectively. Kind of an odd way to spend a Saturday afternoon, but what can I say? I’m easily amused.

Sweet Chocolate Jesus

The more you spend, the more you’re saved.

Sweet. Sweet. Sweet chocolate.
Sweet sweet chocolate.
Sweet chocolate Jesus.

Sweet chocolate.
Sweet, sweet chocolate.
Sweet Jesus.
Sweet, sweet Jesus.

Give me some of that
Sweet chocolate.
Give me some of that
Sweet Jesus.
Give me some of that
Sweet chocolate Jesus.

Sweet chocolate Jesus.
The more you spend, the more you’re saved.

Sweet chocolate Jesus.
The more you spend, the more you’re saved.

Sweet chocolate Jesus.
The more you spend, the more you’re saved.

Sweet chocolate Jesus.
The more you spend, the more you’re saved.

Bye-bye. Have a great day.

*Technically, the line is actually “The more you spend, the more you save,” but if you squint your ears, you can hear what I’m hearing.

 

Sweet Chocolate…

I was thinking about how everything gets commodified in our world. Everything including religion — and especially around religious holidays. Then I came upon a message from a salesperson at a local department store. The salesperson said, among other things, “The more you spend, the more you save.” But to my ears, it sounded like, “The more you spend, the more you’re saved.”

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day

Needless to say, this is one of my favorite days of the year, as it commemorates the day when Jesus transformed a leper into a leprechaun.

According to Saint Patrick, the leprechaun then asked Jesus for some money to buy a pint. Wishing to teach the leper, now a leprechaun, a lesson about gratitude, Jesus remembered the gold he had received when three wise men visited him as a child.

“Sure,” Jesus said. “Thou may taketh my gold.”

Whether or not the leprechaun noticed the mischievous glint in the savior’s eye is not known, but when he took the pot of gold that Jesus offered, the leprechaun’s hand is said to have trembled.

“The whole pot?” asked the leprechaun.

“The whole pot,” said Jesus.

But when the leprechaun took the gold, Jesus spoke thus:

“Let it be known from this day forward that the leprechaun is forever wedded to this pot of gold as I am wedded to my church, for as long as this pot of gold shall live, so too shall this leprechaun.”

“My Lord,” said the leprechaun, suddenly unable to release the gold. “The greed that lies in the heart of man shall render me a hunted beast! For all of eternity, I shall be chased for my glittering treasure!”

“Yes, you shall,” Jesus said, then threw back his head and laughed. “Yes, you shall. And to make things harder for you, I will shine a rainbow wherever you may walk so that all might know where to find you!”

“Then I shall retreat to a green island to the north,” said the leprechaun. “For there, no one will find me.”

“Ah,” said Jesus. “And because you have raised my ire, the name of that land shall forever be known as…”

“Yes?” said the leprechaun.

“I’m sorry,” Jesus said. “I was distracted by that patch of clover.”

“You mean the shamrocks?” said the leprechaun.

“I prefer ‘clover,’ ” said Jesus.

“Oh,” said the leprechaun.

And they went their separate ways.