Happy Saint Patrick’s Day

Needless to say, this is one of my favorite days of the year, as it commemorates the day when Jesus transformed a leper into a leprechaun.

According to Saint Patrick, the leprechaun then asked Jesus for some money to buy a pint. Wishing to teach the leper, now a leprechaun, a lesson about gratitude, Jesus remembered the gold he had received when three wise men visited him as a child.

“Sure,” Jesus said. “Thou may taketh my gold.”

Whether or not the leprechaun noticed the mischievous glint in the savior’s eye is not known, but when he took the pot of gold that Jesus offered, the leprechaun’s hand is said to have trembled.

“The whole pot?” asked the leprechaun.

“The whole pot,” said Jesus.

But when the leprechaun took the gold, Jesus spoke thus:

“Let it be known from this day forward that the leprechaun is forever wedded to this pot of gold as I am wedded to my church, for as long as this pot of gold shall live, so too shall this leprechaun.”

“My Lord,” said the leprechaun, suddenly unable to release the gold. “The greed that lies in the heart of man shall render me a hunted beast! For all of eternity, I shall be chased for my glittering treasure!”

“Yes, you shall,” Jesus said, then threw back his head and laughed. “Yes, you shall. And to make things harder for you, I will shine a rainbow wherever you may walk so that all might know where to find you!”

“Then I shall retreat to a green island to the north,” said the leprechaun. “For there, no one will find me.”

“Ah,” said Jesus. “And because you have raised my ire, the name of that land shall forever be known as…”

“Yes?” said the leprechaun.

“I’m sorry,” Jesus said. “I was distracted by that patch of clover.”

“You mean the shamrocks?” said the leprechaun.

“I prefer ‘clover,’ ” said Jesus.

“Oh,” said the leprechaun.

And they went their separate ways.